I'll Make it up to You
by moon-lit-night22
Summary: Lucius does some thinking in Azkaban, Post OotP, please review


Disclaimer: I own nothing. Anything you recognize belongs to JKR. I'm just borrowing the characters for a little while. ::picks up Draco action figure:: ::makes him dance:: Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! lol

A/N: Okie, I think this might be considered a songfic. I got the idea for it from The Saddest Song by The Ataris. I'll put the lyrics at the end. There's a little slash in here as well. Also, anything in italics is someone thinking, anything in bold is one voice in Lucius's head, and anything underlined is the other voice in Lucius's head. Yes, he has two voices speaking to him. Sorry for any OOC-ness that might be present.

I'll Make it up to You

Draco sighed. It was his sixteenth birthday and his father wasn't there _again_. After getting the Ministry's letter stating that Lucius would be sent to Azkaban, Narcissa started planning a party for Draco's birthday_--_ to try to get her mind and Draco's off of the horrible circumstances. Draco's mother invited all of her friends _--_ _She shouldn't have to be bored, right? --_ and Draco invited everyone from Slytherin, even people who had already graduated. He regretted this.

"Stupid party," he mumbled as he walked over to the bathroom. Sarcastically, he said, "I'm _really_ going to enjoy it." Draco picked up the brush and began to brush his hair. It had grown over the years and now it was slightly longer than shoulder length. He brushed a few more times before gathering his hair and tying it with a green ribbon. "Heh, just like Father." He walked out and sat on his bed. _No one cares about me -- _no one_. Mother didn't even want to have me. Father was never around -- work at the Ministry, Death Eater meetings, and now he's in fuckin' Azkaban._ Draco kicked his shoe against the floor, scuffing it. He ignored it. _Who would care if I died? Mother would send a house elf up to see why I'm not at breakfast. The stupid creature would probably think that it killed me and would start punishing itself until it died too. Eventually, Mother would walk up here, being impatient, see that I'm dead and say something like, _"_Oh well, time to make a new heir,_"_ and try to figure out a way to bust Father out of jail. He's probably going mad already in that shit hole._ A tap on his leg brought him out of his thoughts.

"Mistress says yous is supposed to be coming downstairs now, sir," squeaked the house elf.

"Tell mother I'll be down shortly."

"Yes, sir," it said before disappearing with a _pop_.

Draco sighed before getting up and walking toward the door. _I guess it's time to face the music._

Lucius was sitting in a dark, dirty corner of one of the many cells in the prison known as Azkaban. He was quite depressed at the moment. Looking up, he caught a glimpse of the reason for that feeling.

"Fuckin' dementors," he grumbled. The presence of the dark creatures brought back memories Lucius would rather forget _--_ being alone most of his childhood, his grandparents' deaths, his father killing his mother ("She was extremely bothersome today."), getting the dark mark, marrying Narcissa ... He held his head in his hands. "Won't these bloody memories leave me alone...go the fuck away."

"**You're pathetic**," a cold voice said, "**Stop being so weak. Figure out a way to get the hell out of here and get back to serving the Dark Lord!**"

"What about Draco and Narcissa," another voice -- a quieter, calmer one -- asked. "You have to go see them, don't you? They're your family after all."

"I have no family," Lucius hissed. It was just too hard to care for anyone. They were going to be taken away eventually either by death or by another cause, why bother?

"**You're right. I know you hate Narcissa, but you never even attempted to get close to Draco; they're both just an inconvenience anyway, right?**" Lucius stayed silent and the voice continued. "**Yes**," it said softly but with a dangerous little flair to it, "**You were practically _never_ around on any of your son's birthdays; you were practically never around _period_. He _really_ loves you now that you're not there at this very moment.**"

He could almost hear the voice sneering. "Shut up..." he said quietly.

"**You swore you'd never be like your father. You're doing a _really_ great job now, acting _so_ differently.**"

"Shut up," he said a bit louder.

"**You're going to make him marry that Parkinson girl; for all you know, he might love Potter. Just like you loved--**"

"Shut up!" Lucius yelled, "Don't you dare mention him."

"**Why not?,**" the voice asked, sounding like it was wearing a smirk. A new memory surfaced, a memory Lucius really did not want to relive:

He was back in the Slytherin common room. It was seventh year, the day after Christmas break. All the students had returned and the room was crowded. He looked around, searching for a certain someone. "There you are," his past self said and walked toward a boy who was slightly shorter than himself with long black hair and dark eyes. Severus was sitting on one of the leather couches, an open book on his lap, most likely about potions. Lucius's seventeen-year-old self walked over to the couch and sat down. He wrapped his arms around the other boy, giving him a sort of sideways hug.

"Hi Lucius," Severus said without looking up from his book.

"Hey Sev," he gave him a quick kiss. Then his voice became serious; "I need to talk to you."

Sev noticed the tone change. "Your room?" Lucius nodded before getting up. They had access to a room that only Lucius occupied, the Head Boy's room. It was quite useful for special discussions. Once they walked inside, Severus locked the door while Lucius wondered how the hell he was going to explain what he knew to his boyfriend. "So..." he sat on the bed, "What's wrong?"

"You know that I had to go back to the Manor over the break right?" Sev nodded. "Well, Father had that pureblood from Ravenclaw, Narcissa Black, and her parents over for dinner," he paused.

Severus looked a bit confused before realizing what Lucius was going to say. He looked...something. Sad? Heartbroken? Apathetic? Quietly, he said, "Please don't -- don't tell me..."

"Father wants me to marry her," he said in one breath. Lucius looked down at his hands. He couldn't bring himself to look into Sev's eyes; his heart hurt enough. He heard footsteps.

"I love you," Severus said, sadness in his voice, before leaving.

After he heard the _click_ of the door, Lucius whispered, "I love you, too."

The memory ended. The heartache he felt at that moment in seventh year was back again.

"Do you want Draco to feel this way also?," the other voice asked quietly. Lucius shook his head. "Then let him make his own decisions, let him do what he wants with his life."

"**But what about the blood line? Don't you need to have a pureblood grandson, to keep the future Malfoy blood clean?**"

He didn't answer. On one hand, he could keep the bloodline pure, but Draco would most likely hate him even more. On the other hand, he could let his son marry _whom_ he wanted _when_ he wanted, but that person might not be a pureblood.

"So what if the person Draco marries isn't pureblood? What's the worst that could happen?"

He opened his mouth to give a possibility, then closed it. There wasn't anything bad that could happen. "Nothing," he said quietly, "...I won't be like him, won't be like Father. Draco can be with whom he wants. It's not much, but I'll work on it. I'll make up for not being there for you, Draco; I promise and this is a promise I intend to keep."

The Saddest Song  
Only two more days, until your birthday  
Yesterday was mine  
You'll be turning five  
I know what it's like, growing up without your father in your life  
So I pretend, I'm doing all I can  
And I hope someday you'll find it in your heart  
To understand  
Why I'm not around  
And forgive me for not being in your life  
I remember waiting  
For you to come  
Remember waiting  
For you to call  
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all  
I remember waiting  
For you to come  
Remember waiting  
For you to call  
Waiting there to find nothing at all  
Maybe someday  
You really get to know me  
Not just the letters read to you  
I pray I get the chance  
To make it up to you  
We got a lot of catching up to do  
So I pretend, I'm doing all I can  
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart  
To understand  
Why I'm not around  
And forgive me for not being in your life  
I remember waiting  
For you to come  
Remember waiting  
For you to call  
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all  
I remember waiting  
For you to come  
Remember waiting  
For you to call  
Waiting there to find nothing at all  
Forgive me!  
I'm so sorry!  
I will make it up to you...


End file.
